


What Happens

by acercrea



Series: Immortality is a Bitch [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Discussion of Death, Immortality, Love, M/M, Magnus discusses his past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 05:31:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10802742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acercrea/pseuds/acercrea
Summary: Alec runs into Camille in Idris and she gets him thinking about things he hasn't considered yet. What happens when he talks to Magnus about what she said.





	What Happens

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This fic is a bit heavy on the angst. There is no character death, but it discusses mortality and what it means for an immortal to fall in love with a mortal. If this is something you are not on board with this fic is not for you. I have had this fic idea rolling around in my head since s2e10 because Harry did a great job of playing the moment where Magnus tells Alec that he loves him with just the slightest hint of melancholy. I wanted to explore that.
> 
> Pulls some details from the books, but Magnus’ age is in line with the TV show where it has been revealed that Magnus is older than 400 but not specifically how old he is.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own anything related to Shadowhunters, either the books or the show. This is just for fun, I am not making any money off of this.

Going down that corridor was a mistake. He knew that now. But it was just a simple prisoner transfer. He had no reason to expect that when he delivered one of Valentine’s experiments to the cell he would hear her voice.

“I smell virgin angel blood. Is that you, Alexander?” the cold voice more chilling than usual in this setting.

“Good evening, Camille,” Alec replied curtly addressing the woman in the next cell as the bars slid shut on his prisoner.

“Is it evening, Shadowhunter? I have lost track, there are no windows in this cell your kind have banished me to,” Camille answered with a sneer.

“You did this to yourself by feeding on humans. This is just the punishment for the crime you committed,” Alec informed her.

“And what about the crime you are committing?” she inquired.

“Are you accusing me of something?” Alec challenged.

“That is so cute. The little virgin doesn’t even know what he is doing. Has Magnus told you that he loves you yet?” Camille questioned.

“As a matter of fact, he has,” Alec confirmed.

“That is adorable. Has he told you about the first mortal he loved? What about the last? Did you even think to ask what happens to Magnus when your short, insignificant life is over and no matter how much you love him, Magnus is left alone? Do you really think you can even keep his attention for that long? You have to know his reputation, how many lovers he has had over his long life. One of two things is going to happen. Magnus is going to get bored and move on or you are going to die on him and within a century or two you will be nothing more than a faint memory in a long memory. And in the end, he is going to come back to me because I can promise him something that you can’t. An equitable lifespan,” Camille purred viciously.

“You’re wrong. I mean something to Magnus. He isn’t just going to forget about me,” Alec responded.

“Aww, that’s so endearing. The precious virgin thinks that he is special. Are you really that naïve, or have you just not considered what it means that Magnus is immortal? Shadowhunters are not known to lead long lives. You are expected to protect the world from demons and pop out a few kids to keep the bloodline going. Many of you die before 30, and retirement isn’t even a consideration for a Shadowhunter. How many times do I have to spell it out before it sinks into that pretty head of yours? As an immortal, it is painful to fall in love with a mortal. If Magnus is smart, you don’t mean as much to him as you think, Chastity Ring,” Camille spelled out for him.

“You really like to hear yourself talk. Thankfully I don’t have to listen to it. And the best part is you can’t follow me,” Alec informed her, turning to leave.

 “Ask him Alexander. If you don’t believe me ask him what happens when you die. You know as well as I do that he will be honest. If your pure heart can take it,” Camille called to Alec’s back.

 “By the way, the name is Alec. And I haven’t been a virgin for months,” he replied, closing the door to the corridor behind him.

 

 

**

 

 

He had every intention to forget what Camille had said, but then he remembered how he felt the day he thought he had lost Magnus. It had nearly shattered him and Magnus was fine. And then he thought further and remembered the look on Magnus’ face when the warlock had told him that he loved Alec back. It was happy, but there was a bittersweet edge to it. Alec didn’t even want to entertain the idea, but could there be truth in what Camille had said? There was a voice in the back of his mind that wouldn’t let it go.

It was in his mind as he traveled back to New York from Idris. He was trying to reason it away as he debriefed at the Institute. He was thinking about it while he was watching Magnus cook dinner, not even Magnus’ adorable apron enough to distract him the way it usually did. It was running through his head while they were eating dinner, Magnus carrying the entire conversation by this point. He wasn’t even that surprised when the older man brought it up.

“Alexander, you have been very quiet all night. Is there anything you would like to share with me?” Magnus asked his boyfriend, brushing his fingers across Alec’s cheek gently as they sat on the balcony after dinner.

“I have a question, but I can’t ask it because I am afraid of what the answer will be,” Alec confessed, actively avoiding his boyfriends gaze.

“Alec, you can ask me anything, you know that,” Magnus prompted softly, moving his hand under Alec’s chin and gently tilting his head up so they could lock eyes.

“Not this,” Alec replied, getting up and moving so that the table was between them, pacing the width of the balcony.

Magnus got up and stopped Alec, pulling the younger man into his arms. “Try me,” Magnus challenged gently.

“We have been together for 5 months now?” Alec asked in a small voice thick with emotion.

“5 months, 2 weeks, 3 days. But who is counting,” Magnus smirked with a shrug, trying to lighten the mood.

“What happens when I die?” Alec questioned, the question bursting from his mouth before he could even process what he was saying.

“Whatever do you mean?” Magnus inquired breezily, his brow furrowing in curiosity that almost covered the slightly darker emotion Alec could see just under the surface.

“I know that we haven’t been together for that long, but I remember the feeling from that day at the Institute where I thought you were dead. And I realized that no matter how careful I am, I will get old and die and you will be 20 years old for the rest of your life, which will be forever unless something major happens. What happens to you when I die? I know you have been with other mortals. What do you do when the people you love get old and die?” Alec asked, searching Magnus’ eyes desperately, his breath coming quickly, most of the way to a full-blown panic attack.

Magnus took a deep breath and pulled the younger man gently to his chest, trying to soothe him. “I have to admit that I wasn’t expecting to have this conversation for quite a long time. There is something I would like to show you, if you are up for it. It will help answer your question,” Magnus spoke when Alec had mostly composed himself.

“What is it?” Alec asked.

“It is not something that can be explained well here, in this space that has become just as much yours as it is mine. Do you trust me?” Magnus questioned holding out his hand, leaving the decision entirely up to Alec.

Alec took Magnus’ hand without a second thought and the warlock opened a portal, making sure to keep a firm grasp on the hand was so willingly in his own.

“Where are we?” Alec asked breathlessly as he took in the large field full of wild flowers, surrounded by tall trees on 3 sides and a cliff on the fourth and joining Magnus as he sat on a nearby rock. If there was any civilization nearby the sound didn’t reach them here. All Alec could hear were the sounds of nature; a stream running nearby, the scurry of night animals running back home in the morning twilight, the waning sound of crickets.

“France. About a kilometer and a half from a town no one has ever heard of, that once upon a time was on the way to somewhere everyone wanted to be and was a stop on every traveler’s journey to get there. It was certainly a stop on mine.

“When I was young, less than a century old, I fell in love with a girl in this town. She was beautiful, and kind. The type of person everyone hopes to fall in love with for the first time. When I told her my secret and showed her my eyes for the first time she told me that I was still the beautiful person that she had fallen in love with and nothing was going to change that.

“At that point in my life no mortal had been accepting of what I was. My mother had killed herself when she realized what my mark meant, and my father tried to drown me because of it. I was orphaned at a young age, and living in a time that was more cautious about the old tales. People were more willing to believe back then, the legends readily recognized as the truth. She was the first mortal who had loved me back. It changed something in me.

“I was with her until the end of her life, and mourned her for many years. It was hard, but eventually the pain subsided enough for me to live with it. They say that your first love lost is always the hardest, because you didn’t know how to prepare yourself for it; you don’t flinch away from the blow you don’t know is coming. I have loved many others since then, mortals and immortals alike, and so far, she has been the most painful. But it is my own fault for believing that I would be allowed to keep something forever. And I remember every single person I have ever been in love with. I carry them with me, all of the stories, most of them only remembered by me.

“Almost all of the traces are gone now, but this used to be a popular burial site. This is the last place I saw her, as she was returned to the earth, and I come back here when I want to immerse myself in the memories, to remember what it felt like to love without knowing the consequences. To not think about the outcome.

“I had very strong feelings for her, but I meant it when I told you that you had awakened something in me. I have been alive for centuries and not felt what you make me feel. I know that if I had a thousand lifetimes with you, it still wouldn’t be enough. It will never be enough. I already know that losing you will be the worst pain I could possibly endure. There is a possibility that I will never love anyone after you. For the first time, I have found myself wishing that I was mortal so that I could get old with you.

“So, to answer your question, I gave up trying to distance myself from you months ago. It would have been better for me in the long run if I could have managed it, but we will be together for the rest of your life if you will have me. And I will spend the rest of mine mourning you,” Magnus finished, tears running down both of their faces, his hands gently cradling Alec’s face, his thumbs trying to wipe them away.

“That is the saddest story I have ever heard. Possibly the saddest story ever told, and it hasn’t even happened yet,” Alec finally spoke with a dark laugh, which broke into a cough that sounded suspiciously like a sob, ducking his head and hiding his face in Magnus’ chest.

“Do you mind if I ask what prompted you to inquire about my past suddenly?” Magnus asked as he absently ran one hand through Alec hair, the other rubbing soothing circles up and down Alec’s back.

“It is very stupid, promise you won’t get mad?” Alec requested.

“I promise,” Magnus affirmed with a wry smile.

“Camille,” Alec confessed.

“You never say what I expect you to say, Alexander. I knew you were in Idris today, but how did you manage to run into Camille?” Magnus questioned.

“Her cell was in the same corridor as my prisoner. I shouldn’t have gone over there, but she just started talking and I left intending to completely forget what she said but then I started thinking about what she said and then I couldn’t stop. Thoughts of you forgetting about me and going back to Camille when I am gone just kept swirling around my head, and I know that I am letting her get to me, but the more I thought about it the more it seemed like a possibility. And now I don’t have the words to tell you how I feel about what you have just told me, but I am pretty sure the idea of you mourning me forever is the worst thing I have ever heard,” Alec answered with another sob.

“Would it make you feel better if I told you that at this point it would definitely hurt more if you didn’t spend the rest of your life with me?” Magnus confessed.

“A little bit,” Alec replied with a weak smile.

“How about if I promise that no matter what she says or does I will never go back to Camille ever. I gave up on her loving me back a long time ago and when that happened I was able to let her go. I have made up my mind and she is not as alluring as she seems to think she is,” Magnus asked, trying to lighten the mood.

“That sounds like the Magnus I love. Do you mind if we stay here for a while? I don’t want to return to the real world yet, I think I need to absorb the idea that I am going to crush you emotionally and there is nothing I can do to stop it,” Alec requested, turning to where the sun was just starting to rise over the treetops.

“We can stay as long as you like, Alexander. Just say the word,” Magnus said, pressing a kiss to Alec’s temple, shifting to make them both as comfortable as possible.

 

**

 

A few days later, Alec found a book of Sonnets on the coffee table when he let himself into Magnus’ apartment with a slip of paper sticking out of the top and a post-it attached to the front that read, _‘Alexander, I think these may be the words you were looking for. -M’_

Alec turned to the marked page and read with a sad smile. He walked into the kitchen when he was done and pulled Magnus into his arms, whispering, “You found my words,” before kissing Magnus deeply, marveling at how well this man had grown to know him in such a short time.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I hope you liked it, there will be a follow up to this, I have a specific sonnet picked out and it plays a big part of the next fic. Leave me a kudos if you liked it and a comment if you loved it or have a question. Also come find me on Tumblr, my username is @acercrea.


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